Beautiful music... my ears are bleeding.

Roommate thinks he can play guitar pretty well... But in real life, he strums slowly along to the tune of the lyrics. It's the most awkward and unpleasant music I've heard outside of a circus.

Somewhere along the lines of Phoebe from Friends singing "Smelly Cat" Except that I live it, all the time, so there is no humor to be found. He also decides he likes a song and then plays the chorus over and over for days, if not longer.

If only you could hear the horror coming from my living room. Blegh.

Happy Birthday...

Sorry I've been neglecting this thing. I've been meaning to tell you about Roommate's birthday, but I just kept forgetting.

His birthday was a couple of weeks ago. Realizing that he loves to drink and drive and that Boyfriend might get caught up in the drinking, I offered to be the DD. What a great idea, right? Staying sober while Roommate gets drunk, even though I can barely stand him when he's sober. I'm sure you can imagine, it was obviously a real blast.

We were set to go out around 9. I was getting ready when I realized Roommate wasn't even awake at 8:45, so I took my time. I finished getting ready around 9:15 and he still wasn't awake. I started cleaning up my room and told Boyfriend that I didn't want to ditch Roommate, but I wasn't going to waste my night at home if he wasn't even going to wake up. Then their friend showed up.. this friend used to be very polite and funny.. and then his girlfriend broke up with him. Now he came with some pretty filthy tales about the girls he's been with lately, but I kept in my room and ignored it. At around 10:15, I heard Boyfriend on the phone saying, "alright, we're going out, I'll talk to you later" Wonderful! I'd been waiting about an hour at this point... Then I heard new beers opening. WTF, guys, I'm sitting around waiting just to be their DD. Finally I went out to them and said, "if you're not going out, I'm just going to leave now" and we finally got the show on the road. Bitch move? Maybe, but at least it got us out of the house. Plus, if they were happy to stay home, I was happy to go out on my own.

We go to the same bar all the time, so we went to a bar a couple of towns over for a change of scenery. We get there and sit down and everything was fine for a while. Then their friend noticed half of a birthday cake sitting on another table... so he got himself a slice. Embarrassing. Roommate noticed that his cousin was at the bar.. and he spent the night flirting, dancing, and doing shots with her. Also embarrassing, but it was pretty funny to watch.

Roommate came back from wooing his cousin and he was obviously drunk. He spit on the floor of the bar. Boyfriend and I both immediately yelled that he couldn't do that. A few minutes later, he did it again. Boyfriend and I yelled again. When he did it yet again, a few minutes later, I got pissed and said, "I'm not sitting here if you're going to keep doing that. It's disgusting and completely unacceptable." This finally got him to stop.

After that, he was just annoying and stupid, but I was crabby enough that I couldn't stand a word he said. I dropped the boys at home and rushed to my bar  just in time to get a drink with my friends at last call. Happy endings do exist!

Less funny, more disgusting.

Roommate needs to drop his car off an hour away, so he just left and Boyfriend took his car to follow him and drive him home. Roommate took three beers- for the drive. We have had serious, numerous problems with him drinking and driving, and he never fucking learns. This is why I refuse to go anywhere if he's driving.

And if anyone was curious about the body shaving incident... this is what I found in my trash. Please note that there isn't even a bag in the trash. In the year that we've lived together, he's never changed a bathroom trash. Ever. So he just left this for me or Boyfriend to deal with. It's honestly bigger than a baseball.
http://i39.tinypic.com/34haq9f.jpg
(Link, rather than embedded image, because I wouldn't force this on anyone.)

Ew.

Roommate has his own bathroom. It's upstairs and it's disgusting and we don't even go in it. I've peed in there exactly one time since we moved in (over 7 months ago) and I was so uncomfortable.

I've been home for over half an hour and Roommate has been in the downstairs bathroom (which he really only uses to shower) the entire time. He's shaving his entire body- for swimming, so we can hold back our judgment here for that part. He has come out once, to show me a handful of disgusting hair while I tried to eat dinner at the dinner table. He is a seriously hairy guy, I can't even explain how bad it is. And he's shaving his body in the bathroom that Boyfriend and I just cleaned.

His bathroom is small, I get it, ours is big and he can stretch out, but why the fuck does he have to do this shit? I just want to pee.

And an update already: I can hear him unrolling mass amounts of toilet paper now, presumably to clean up the hair that is probably everywhere. Please got don't let him try to flush this much toilet paper down my toilet. I still need to pee.

Ugh.

Listening to him eat just makes me so sad and irritated.

It sounds so wet and it's like he can't even keep food in his mouth, so then he makes this hoover noise to suck it back in before he loses it. And then he snorts and sniffles endlessly.

I think he may have just ruined my nice morning.

Creepy and Uncomfortable.

Roommate has this unpleasant habit. He loves to walk up to the doorway of whatever room we happen to be in, and just stand there staring at us. It is clearly a cry for attention, and I never give in. I will stare into my computer screen until my eyes hurt before I give into him. Boyfriend will look at him and ignore him, sometimes speaking to him, but we never acknowledge his stupid behavior. It is beyond irritating, it is weird and it always, ALWAYS makes me feel creeped out.

In short, I seem to have become a jaded bitch.

ALSO! Literally seconds after I hit the publish button, Roommate did something even creepier.  Boyfriend is in the shower and Roommate opened the bathroom door to ask him a question about running errands. He didn't simply speak from the doorway (which is about two feet from the shower... small bathroom) he went into the bathroom to speak to him. And while he was in there? He farted. Roommate creates the single most foul smells I've ever encountered; his car smells like a mix of old beer, farts, and wet towels.

Need for Speed or, "Something Other Than Gross Noises"

Last night Boyfriend dropped his car off to be fixed. That means we went home in a fancy new car. Boyfriend got out to pull my car out of the driveway so that fancy new car was tucked in away from our sketchy street. Roommate told him he'd pull fancy new car into the driveway.

I undid my seatbelt, ready to get out, when Roommate said, "want to see Boyfriend freak out? hang on!" and tore down the street like a crazy person. Boyfriend was not too happy.

Completely fucking reckless.